Godzilla Clitoris

Fourth time Godzilla has attacked the great city of Tokyo. Too early for this shit. Called into the Godzilla Task Force Center at 4am today. Not even time for some Ramen noodles and coffee. I slide my Level 60 clearance card through the scanner, then allow the armed men to grope my every orifice, searching for what…a hand gun? Lotion? Hello Kitty Chap Stick? The fellows seem especially frisky today, no pun intended. The facility is all chrome and marble and sliding plexiglass doors--which block your every movement from room to room. I pass through twelve of these sliding doors, each time having to slide my card like some kinda capitalist American, until I reach a bank of elevators. These lifts are inaccessible until you allow a blue laser to scan your retina. I can no longer see colors in my left eye.

The elevator ascends to the top floor. RESTRICTED ACCESS. LEVEL 60. TOP LEVEL PERSONELL ONLY. All that jazz. Nothing really special.

The elevator dings, lets me off. I press my fingertips onto a green pad, which lights up, scanning my prints. A female voice asks me my identity. I say Dr. Yoshi Takanawa. Female voice verifies my voice signature. Eighth plexiglass door slides open, allowing me access to the Godzilla Viewing Deck.

Outside the plexiglass observation windows: the beautiful city of Tokyo…currently in shambles and flames as the monstrous mutated iguana known as Godzilla goes rampaging through towers of glass and steel. Its mouth gapes open and it lets out a mighty roar that causes the observation deck to rattle.

My three comrades acknowledge me with a slight nod. Their names are Shogo Takanawa, Shimmy Takanawa, and the one female, Noriko Takanawa.

“So, what do we know?” I ask.

“She’s a female,” Shogo says, lighting a cig. “We had our birds fly between her legs and found a gaping vagina.”

Noriko raises an eyebrow. “A little early for this much misogyny.”

“Never too early,” Shogo says, putting a hand through his crisp white hair. He’s an old bastard.

“So, solutions?”

This time, Shimmy speaks up. A miracle. He’s the quiet one in the bunch. “We have built a replica Godzilla robot.”

“Ah, to fight Godzilla,” I say.

“Uh, no,” Shimmy says, looking shyly down at the chrome floor.

“To fuck her brains out,” Shogo says through a mouth full of smoke.

“Excuse me?”

Noriko jumps in: “Building a battle robot always results in more damage to the city than if we just let Godzilla have his way with Tokyo. So instead we built a Godzilla sexbot. ”

“Good god,” I say. “Do you think it will work?”

Shogo: “We’ve programmed the Godzilla Sexbot with a male brain. First thing it will do when it sees that gaping vagina is fuck it.”

“Seriously, Shogo. It’s four a.m.,” Noriko says.

“What do you think this is? San Francisco? Shut up you feminist wench.”

“Asshole,” Noriko mutters.

Shimmy hits a big red button on the control panel and the Godzilla Sexbot is released into the city through two steel bay doors. The Sexbot stomps into the heart of Tokyo and immediately goes for the female Godzilla. Ravaging her on top of a glass skyscraper.

“Men,” Noriko mutters.

“She doesn’t seem to be enjoying it,” I note.

“Shit,” Shimmy says. “We programmed the Sexbot with a male brain. He probably can’t find the clitoris.”

“You fools!” I yell. “Why didn’t you program it to be able to find the clitoris?”

“Well,” Shogo says. “To be apt…I’m not exactly sure where the clitoris is myself.”

“But you’re a scientist!”

“Hey, I love the vagina…but once the bay doors are pulled back, I don’t want to look down there. Looks like a bad salami sandwich.”

“Shogo!” Noriko says.

“It’s like getting a Christmas gift wrapped in green paper and red bows, but once you open it, the only thing inside is smashed up chewing gum.”

“It is too early!” Noriko says.

“When is the right time for misogyny?”

“After noon, when I’ve already had four sake.”

“Have some sake right now, then.”

“It is too early.”

“You fools!” I scream, waving my fists in the air. “Look! Look! The Godzilla Sexbot is already finished, leaving the female Godzilla unsatisfied.”

“Shit,” Shimmy says. “She looks pissed.”

“Must be on her period,” Shogo says.

Noriko breaks out the sake. “Fuck it. Who’s with me?”

“Oh God!” I cry. “Now the Sexbot is watching baseball on the Teletron in Center Square.”

Shimmy: “Not only that, the Sexbot is asking the female Godzilla if she could get him a beer and a sandwich.”

Shogo stomps out his cigarette. “Jesus Christ. We’re all fucked.”

The female Godzilla attacks the Sexbot and they both plummet into skyscrapers, further destroying our beautiful city of Tokyo. But then I realize something. The female Godzilla isn’t killing the Sexbot, she’s ravaging him. She’s on top now, riding him like a donkey in a Tijuana sex show.

“Look, she’s taking control!” Noriko cheers. “How empowering.”

Shogo lights another cig. “Yes, yes. Women power. How inspiring. Now let’s scramble the jets and fire tomahawk missiles into that whore’s cunt.”

Another crisis averted by the Godzilla Task Force.

Interview: Rosa Sophia, author of Taking 1960

Rosa Sophia is the Editor-in-Chief of the Pagan Writers Community, a website she created to review and promote new writers. Just recently she has published her novel Taking 1960 through an independent publisher: Dreamz-Work Productions.

            The book revolves around the story of a girl named Kat Maslin who inherits her grandparent’s farmhouse and while residing there, discovers a horrifying truth. Walking through the woods one day, she’s transported backward through time, to the 1960s, where she discovers her grandfather Philip played a role in the murder of her uncle John.

            Here’s a passage from the book:

            “She screamed when she saw the ax come down on John and break his body as though it had been nothing more than a twig…before Katherine could think twice, there was blood everywhere. John’s skull split like a melon and emptied its contents on the barn floor. Two swipes with the crude weapon and the less manly of the brothers was dead, murdered by his own father. Kat stood shaking by the barn doors, too weak to even cry. Philip turned, covered in blood, the ax held firmly in his right hand.

            ‘Why,’ Kat muttered, but it was all she could say. She wanted to vomit. The stench of blood was on the air, the barn was like a slaughterhouse.

            ‘I liked having you around,’ Philip said. His voice was strong and he didn’t even seem fazed by the fact that his son was lying dead beside him. ‘But I can’t have you telling people about this.’

            She backed up, terrified, her muscles frozen with fear”                        

How did you go about getting your novel published?           

I actually gave up after a while. Other writers tell me that they have enough rejection slips to paper a wall with. One man told me that he has over a hundred in his closet. I have a few, but definitely less than ten. This isn't because I'm a success story, necessarily; it is because I gave up. To be honest, I could have done a lot more to get recognized. In the end, networking with other writers, editors and publishers was what got me where I am today. I forged connections, which is probably one of the most important things a writer can do when working toward publication.


Did you seek an agent?           
I did not seek an agent. I ended up with one, somehow. When I started my professional editing business, I had two clients; author David P. Smith and Dreamz-Work Productions, LLC. David became a friend of mine and pitched my idea to the owner of Dreamz-Work. For his part, David gets a percentage of my earnings.  

How many rejections did you receive?           
I have had less than ten rejections in my life. As mentioned above, I blame it on the fact that I had more or less given up. Still, I know that my writer and editor friends would say that I am not giving myself enough credit, which is probably true. It also has a lot to do with professionalism. Another important thing that a writer can do when working toward publication is strive to be professional. No one is going to pay any attention to you, no matter who you are, unless you polish up your query letter and submit highly professional material.

Timeline: start to finish. How long did it take between first draft and final publication?           
It took me three months to write Taking 1960. That was in the summer of 2005. I had it professionally edited maybe a year later. It was polished and ready to go by 2007. Nevertheless, three to five years passed until it was published in August of 2010.

How many revisions were required?           
It was edited a few times, by me and then finally by my editor. I added things to it, but not much was taken out. All in all, I am proud of how well it was done from the get-go.

What challenges do creative writers face today? What opportunities do they have today?           
Challenges: It is very difficult to get noticed. The market changes constantly. What was true three years ago isn't necessarily true today. If you don't have connections, your book could sit on a “slush” pile for years. That's not to say that you can't get anywhere without connections. You can. It's just really difficult. And when you do get published, most publishers expect you to to do much of the marketing on your own, so by the time the agent and the publisher gets paid. . . Well, you really don't want to know how much (or rather, how little) I made at my first book signing.
            Opportunities: With the advent of self-publishing, a writer can get published no matter what as long as they have the money. However, the downside of this is that there are hundreds of terrible writers to every good one, and there are a lot of people out there who don't take self-publishing seriously because of this fact. The opportunities are there as long as you are willing to work for them. You can make money off writing, you can be successful: you just have to be aware that you cannot give up, and you cannot expect anything to be easy, no matter how many connections you make.

How did you promote your book? How did you network?           
Blogs are very important, an author website, and an author page on Amazon. Put yourself out there and contact people. The more pushy you are, the better. Shameless self-promotion is key. I used Facebook a lot and Good Reads. Once you get out there, people will ask you questions just out of curiosity. Most people think writers are weird and eccentric. Don't ruin this for them. They love that cliché, and as long as they believe it, they will keep coming back for more.

What is your writing process?            
My process depends on the material. If it is more involved and demands research, I might not start writing until after I finish the research. Most of the time, I do a little bit of outlining, but then I just go for it and start writing.

Why did you feel it was important for the story of "Taking 1960" to be told?I like to make people think. The story reinforces the fact that you never really know what's going on behind closed doors. Domestic abuse happens, and some people fall between the cracks. Some people get away with harming their family. Other than the paranormal part of the book, this story could easily be reality.

What's the difference between editing your own work and someone else's? You know your work, therefore you are less likely to catch mistakes. This is why it is so important to get your work professionally edited. The money is worth it, as long as you are careful about who you choose. I am an editor, and I know that when I edit someone else's work, I am more likely to catch mistakes. You're too involved in your own work to see certain things, especially if they are small details. Reading out loud helps, but it doesn't always suffice.

Do you have any advice to creative writers?           
Be creative, but also be professional. Don't give up on professionalism “because I'm a writer and I just can't adhere to those rules.” Fact of the matter is, publishing your work is just like any other business. The publishers want what sells, and they want to see professionalism. If you don't adhere to those rules, you are just cheating yourself out of possibilities, and you're taking the easy road (giving up) because you don't think a clean query letter matters. (I've seen people like this at the magazines I used to work for.) Finally, don't give up after one or two rejections; if you're a good writer, there's a publisher out there who wants you. You just have to keep trying until you find them.

What's your ultimate purpose as a creative writer? What's your goal? What do you want to achieve?           
I have already achieved it. This is what I wanted, to be published. I have made PEANUTS as far as royalties go, but the important thing is that I made it. And I'm hoping to be recognized by the big stores, like Barnes and Noble, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Rosa's Amazon Page: http://www.amazon.com/Rosa-Sophia/e/B0040NN5W8/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

Other Websites: www.paganwriters.com

www.rosewrites.webs.com

www.xanga.com/lily_scarlet